USCG Christmas Cards | trevor ford

U.S. COAST GUARD

For several years, I’ve made Christmas cards for three different USCG Air Bases.

YEAR ONE

This was the first one, and the year that Magic Mike had just come out, so they wanted their card to look like that movie poster. Rescue Swimmers seem to be really big fans of their own bodies and I think they assume we all are too. The worst part of this one was each guy had to be cut out, which meant I had to zoom way in and pen tool around all of their bodies.

YEAR TWO

The second year, they must have thought, “It’s not enough just to take our clothes off, how can we make sure, like, that all of our skin is, like, touching one another?” The photoshopping is the longest, most tedious part of these, because they take all their shots in the base under fluorescent lighting. The best part of this one was that I actually had to photoshop out a red ball-gag from the mouth of that guy in the front. I just hope my taxes paid for that.

YEAR THREE

Two of the guys weren’t there the day they went to the lumber yard, so they were shot indoors later in the week. You can see the two guys without hardhats and how they stand out rather odd.

I heard that actual lumberjacks were working the yard that day. I would imagine they were very impressed with how manly these swimmers were.

Apparently, the Lumber Yard one was too male-centric and it was decreed from the higher-ups that it had to be redone. The only thing toned down seemed to be the lumberjackness of the card, but looks like they just chose another one of the Village People to emulate and were instead sailors. I know you can tell they weren’t really on the dock, but hey … I don’t charge these guys much.

YEAR FOUR

Somewhere between this and last year, one of the guys from North Bend, OR got reassigned to Savannah, GA. So this year, I ended up doing the card for that station and the Oregon guys went without. They ended up going for a remake of this classic Rockefeller Center picture, but with Savannah in the background.

I’ve included the pictures they sent me that show how they all assemble; it was a bit of musical chairs to position them all so they look proportionate. The most difficult part, actually, was getting that I-beam to look like the original.

YEAR FIVE

This is the one at the top of the page.

I love that Joey (George Washington in this card) started taking these things so seriously. Since we first connected in 2012 in Coos Bay, Oregon, these cards started a bit of a competition within the USCG to have each base do something more outrageous or creative. Joey and I would start collaborating on these earlier in the year so that we’d have more time to make something that one-ups the previous year’s card. By the time he got to be station chief in Savannah, GA, then Elizabeth City, NC, his ideas were really fun to work with.

At first, I would coach them on what kind of pictures I needed from them to make it easier to isolate and place them into the idea. But toward the end, Joey was a pro at getting me what he knew I needed. These were fun – so fun I’d often just do the work for a free hoodie or something. Joey (and these cards) retired in 2020.

YEAR SEVEN

Of the 8 cards I made over 9 years, this was the least Christmasy. Not sure if it’s super noticeable to you, but the whole, “Silent Night, Peace on Earth” vibe was replaced with assault weapons and skulls.

YEAR NINE

I’m not sure what’s worse, the assault weapons theme from the previous year or actually replacing Jesus with yourself in Da Vinci’s Last Supper. My understanding was that I wasn’t the only one telling Joey this might not go over that well, but I think he was like, “This is my last one of these; I am the reason for the season this year.”